I was thinking about negative mindsets that annoy me today. There are a couple that are at the top of the list:
- What people call the 'poverty' or 'poor me' mindset that because things have been bad in the past, they will always be bad. People with this mindset believe that happiness, sadness, and every other emotion are dictated by random events that happen to them. If they are lucky they will be rich and, as a consequence of that... happy. If they are unlucky, they will be poor, and as a consequence of that... unhappy. This is such a stubbornly held view that even when faced with people who've made it through FAR worse situations and prevailed, 'lucky them' is the typical response. These people REFUSE to be inspired or to focus on anything but money, or the lack of it. They place a level of faith in the lottery with which the statistics simply do not agree, but the idea that they could change their mindset, and their life, is utterly impossible to them.
- The 'I rock: you suck' mentality. People with this mindset crow about their possessions, but give no value back. Instead, they try to take self-respect from those with fewer possessions. The idea of financial poverty is so abhorrent to them that those who are enduring it are also abhorrent. They de-humanise those who lack funds. Doing so makes them feel even more superior. They feel justified in doing so.
I know people throughout the financial scale, from those living under the poverty line, to multi-millionaires. Many of the people I know do not fall into either of these mindsets - fortunately - but some do.
The first mindset is most commonly seen in people living on a budget. The second, in those with many millions of pounds/dollars.
The first one is self-limiting. It is prejudice against the self. Indirectly, it affects others because that person does not share themselves in a way that empowers their peers. Their disempowering mindset disempowers others (in a passive way). It is widespread, so it damages through numbers - a culture of disempowerment. The second one directly affects others, because it is prejudice+power, and it is directed outwards (in an active way) so just one person with this mindset has the potential to damage many others significantly - disempowerment as a weapon of significance.
It was only today that I realised something... they are not different mindsets. They are the same one.
Object-Referral and Self-Referral Minsets
Deepak Chopra writes of Object and Self Referral. Object-referral means that you base your own value on the things that you possess. Your value is based on 'stuff' and the opinions of others.
Self-Referral means that you base your own value on your timeless core beliefs and qualities. This kind of mindset is not dependent on the views or others or the number of houses or cars you own.
Both of the mindsets that I find annoying are nothing more or less than 'Object-Referral' mindsets. They are fear-based mindsets. They are chaotic and unstable. The moment the rich person loses their possessions, if they have this kind of mindset, they lose their whole character. The moment the poor person is offered a way to improve their finances, if they have this kind of mindset, they are more likely to stick with it even if it is not ethically the best choice. In fact, that is the case for both groups, and that is why the 'LOVE' of money is the 'root of all evil'. If you love money, rather than loving the process of living out your own destiny in such a way that money is the end result, you make un-ethical choices. That worries me. It can lead to a cycle of gain and loss that leads nowhere, and has no ethical basis, a little like the passive/active 'Crazy 8' to which Tony Robbins refers. This can lead to 'Crazy 8s' for whole cultures. Open your eyes and you'll see it happening right now.
I'd rather do business with people with a Self-Referral Mindset. They make decisions from a place of authenticity, and they are not scared to turn down unethical business offers. They are MORE than their bank balance - whatever its size. I want to meet more people like that. They rock. They know it. But they know that other people rock too. THAT is a confident mindset.